Thoughts on Suicide: Blog by Katherine Hawthorne (fiction)

As the title says, this is purely a work of fiction, nothing more.
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So the other day I was walking down the hall at school and my lab partner, Lysandra, tells me she doesn’t feel the need to live anymore.

“So, are you saying that you wanna commit suicide?” I asked.

She said that she was considering it; that if she left the Earth, then people would be way better off without her. “They probably won’t even know I’m gone….” she muttered.

I nodded. “Aaaaand you’re telling me this…..why?”

You see, I figure, if you’re gonna be suicidal, then just do it. Do not expect a pity trip on my behalf, thinking that if you tell me, then I’ll break out in this ‘NO! Don’t do it! You have sooo much to live for’ speech. Puh-leeze. God put me on this Earth to take care of my life. Mine. Not yours. So if you decide to go all ‘I’m gonna kill myself’, don’t tell the world. It just means that you want attention and suicide is the best you could come up with after sitting on your bed brainstorming all night on how to make your life (or lack thereof) more interesting.

Oh yeah. There are some special exceptions. I only put forth a modicum of sympathy if the suicidal in question is gonna effect my life with their absence. If the person in question is a family member, then of course, I’ll break out into the ‘You can do better than this!!!’ monologue, but if I’m not even remotely close to you, like, at least friend status, then I honestly don’t want to hear your sad sob story. You’ll end up saying junk like what good ‘ole Lyssie said to me (“They probably won’t even know I’m gone….”), and you’d be absolutely right. NOW BACK OFF!

So anywayz, after my little….er…..discussion with Lysandra, she told me how heartless I was, how I have no ounce of respect for anyone but myself, how I’m soooo apathetic and have no feelings, blah, blah, blah, and the like. It’s the usual. Then she stormed away crying.

It’s been weeks since then, and ‘ole Lyssie’s still up and running, alive as ever…….friggin liar...

But seriously, don’t go around talking about your depressing life, exploiting it, because in some you find guidance, in some you find sympathy, and then there’s me, the girl that couldn’t give a flying turkey leg whether you fell off the face of the Earth or not. Remember that no matter how messed up you may seem, there’s always someone out there, having it waaaay worse that you have it. I know it, and that’s just the way I am, and that’s the reason I react the way I do when I get little anecdotes like this. Real pissy-like, don’t you think? So stop with the ‘My life is sooo worthless’ B.S., cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.


Katherine Hawthorne,
over and out!!!